I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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