Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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