How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am spending my child support on dildos
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
