i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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