I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
