Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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