we're blogging at a bar
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
