It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
