I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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