Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
