that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
