she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
