We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
