we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
