You work out of a Hotel?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You've changed since you got that strap on
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