Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
