For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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