I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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