she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just had sex bonerless
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
