Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My penis needs a shock collar
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
