I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
