just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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