is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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