just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
