Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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