chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
