BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
