After last night, I could never be a politician.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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