I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
