Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
