I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
People in love make me want to vomit
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
