OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
high people should be assigned attendants
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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