so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
