Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
