You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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