Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
