Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you made out with another girl for some wings
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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