Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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