Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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