Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
