White coat. Heels.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
