I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
