6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
