seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
