i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
