Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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