I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
