Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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