yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I lost the right to judge tonight
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
