You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
