I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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