new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
