my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
