have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm like, not good at living.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
