How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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