Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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